Blame

I want to point fingers. I want to say that I wasn’t wrong. In fact, I was right, or at least that’s what I’ve been trying to convince myself of recently. BUT I am NOT innocent. I am guilty. The question that aches me is: “Am I the only guilty one in this situation?”

I've always been able to hold my feelings in and guard my heart, but lately I feel like I’m just going to vomit up everything that has gone wrong and it’s going to leave me bitter. I don’t want to be bitter. I don’t want to be depressed. I don’t want to be stressed and I don’t want to be angry. So with a short prayer I made a decision. I am going to accept ALL the blame and carry the weight of that.

Am I ready to accept ALL the blame? Is it really all my fault?

To answer that first question: Yes, I can handle that, even though it’s not easy. I can stand up and be an adult about all of this, I can carry the blame. Because, honestly I won’t be carrying it too far: I’m going to carry it to the CROSS, leave it there, and move on. Happiness, joy, and forgiveness, will follow and everything will be okay.

Is it really all my fault?

In all reality, no, it isn’t ALL my fault, actually in reality I am pretty sure that jury would be hung.

Is that the story I am sticking too??

No, I am going to stand up for my actions, my mistakes, accept my blame, and blame that isn’t mine. Ask God to forgive me and heal me and pray that he will forgive and heal on the other side of this situation too. I am going to pray that he will change our hearts, and bring us both closer to him, and keep us in his service.

He will forgive us, heal us, and continue to use us (more than likely separately) for his glory. Maybe, in time he may heal the relationship enough for us to be friends. Until then, He will remind us that even though hearts were broken, trust was betrayed, hurtful words were spoken, and hurt feelings were ignored: We are still Brother and Sister in Christ. That is the way we will remain…